#im too lazy this week to take out my tablet

[sucktacular]

Some MS Paint lines I did a little while ago, but didn’t post because I wanted to color it... And I haven’t had the motivation to color all week, despite multiple color palettes chosen... SO HERE YA GO!

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[huffle-dork]

Curiosity Killed the Cat: Chapter 10

What Swallows the Light 

Chapter 9: [x] Read from the beginning: [x]

(AN: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I HATE THAT WRITING IS SO HARD FOR ME RN AHHH I LOVE Y’ALL THANKS FOR STICKING WITH THIS- THE END IS NEAR!! LIkE MAYBE 3-4 MORE CHAPTERS!! EEEEE!!) 

The boys regrouped at Chase’s studio- exhausted and spent but determined to look for Marvin using any means necessary. Well… most of them.

Jackie was desperate- desperate to do anything but resort to Jameson’s suggestion… he was not ready to face Phantom again.

His limbs still ached from the abuse he suffered at the hand of the mad conman. But, he wasn’t scared. Superheroes don’t get scared.

Chase groaned loudly and flopped his weight onto the back of the couch. “Jackie, c’monnn! We’re getting nowhere with all this!” He gestures to the collection of trackers and electronic devices Jackie’s collected- all beeping or malfunctioning. “Marvin knows you too well man! He’s probably using some freaky magic shit to block himself!”

Jackie grumbled and refused to acknowledge Chase, stubbornly tapping on the tablet he was trying to program. When it refuses to work, he suddenly yells in frustration and throws the thing hard against the wall. It cracks through the surface- the screen shattered and sparking. The hero then grips his hair and suppresses an even louder yell.

Schneep and Jameson exchange worried looks with each other. The doctor tries to speak up,” Jackie-”

“Shut up! I know!” The hero hisses through clenched teeth. “I know this isn’t working! But there has to be something! Something we’re missing.. Something that doesn’t involve-!” He seems to choke slightly, swallowing thickly.

A static laced laugh breaks the tense silence as Anti- who’s splayed across one of the couches like a lazy cat- finally speaks. “Woowww Spandex- it’s so rare to see you so scared shitless-”

Jackie turns to shout at the glitch, his eyes burning with blue power. “Shut the fuck up, you lazy bitch! I ain’t scared-”

“Righttt and the refusal to just- go do the easy thing and see the guy who might actually have the answers to whiskers’ problem is…? What? A super secret strategy of yours? Stubbornness? Stupidity? You are good at that last one-”

Chase has to grab Jackie and hold him back as the hero almost throws himself at the glitch to strangle him. Anti laughs madly, the air around him fizzling with glitches and static.

“Someone’s gotta length your fuse big guy! Hate to see what’ll happen when you finally explode~” Anti’s eyes darken to pits. “Then again… maybe it’ll be fun to watch~!”

“Anti for the love of god- stop antagonizing him!” Jameson huffs in exasperation, making sure his speech slide appears in right in front of Anti’s face so he can’t ignore it. Anti simply laughs and pushes it away- but luckily he doesn’t push the hero anymore.

The others look to Jackie with sympathetic faces. The hero shoves Chase off him with his elbow before looking away, clearly conflicted.

Schneep coughs then carefully walks up to Jackie, using his quiet bedside manner voice, “Jackie… we all know you are… hesitant. About seeing Phantom again. But we also cannot waste our time… we do not know what Marvin could be doing to Jack right of now.” Jackie cringes slightly at this, anxiously starting to pick at the skin beneath his gloves. Schneep looks to his brother with kind and worried eyes. He steps closer and gently places a hand on his then whispers to him low. “It is okay to be scared, you know.” The doctor’s eyes shift to the lounging glitch and Jackie can see the spark of fear in his eyes. “We all understand… but- you cannot let your fears keep you from moving forward, yes?” He squeezes the older brother’s hand tighter, “We all need to work together to stop this… you will not face this alone. And we do not think lesser of you for it.”

Jackie is quiet for a beat- but slowly he nods. He meets Schneep’s eyes and smiles softly. “Thanks Hen…”

Then he sighs and squares his chest before addressing the rest of the room.

“Alright… time to go pay Phantom a visit.” 

The door to the tackily clad Phantom’s emporium opened effortlessly with a little bell. The egos all walk in-and are greeted with a dark and abandoned shop. 

“It’s awful dark in here…” Jameson comments, his speech slide adding a small burst of light. 

Chase squints and whistles under his breath, “Yeah- jesus… you’d think the guy could afford more lights in this creepy-as-fuck shop-”

He then shouts and suddenly falls to the floor.

There’s the sound of glitchy laughter from Jameson’s phone while Schneep digs out his and turns on the flashlight.

“Mein gott Chase- are you okay?”

There’s a groan as Chase pushes himself up and rubs at his head,” Y-Yeah- Yeah I’m okay- I  just stepped on something-”

Suddenly there’s the sound of muffled yelling that has all the boys turning to look at the floor. “N-No way…” Jackie gasps as he goes to inspect the object, then he brings it up for the other boys to see. It’s one of phantom’s crystal orbs- only it’s occupied by the con artist himself and his brother, Mare. Mare is kneeling, one hand knocking against the glass while the other cradles a pale and spent looking Phantom.

Schneep’s eyes widen, “wh- how… how did this happen?” He whispers in disbelief. Jameson is covering up his mouth. Chase is massaging his calf before he looks up and yells, “Woah!” 

Mare inside the orb scowls and knocks against the glass again. There’s a large crack on its side- like it might have been smashed against a corner of something. “Would you stop gawking and help us?!”

Jackie’s face falls slightly. Even if these guys were villains… this wasn’t right. So he nods and goes to try to smash the orb on the ground.

But quickly, Schneep yelps and goes to stop Jackie. “Wait!”

Jackie blinks in confusion and Schneep breathes before whispering to his brother, “Let’s… let's think this through, Jackieboy- if we free them now… we might not get the information we need.”

The doctor raises an eyebrow at Jackie and it slowly dawns on the hero. Jackie hisses back low to Henrik, “You want us to use their imprisonment to get info on Marvin?” His eyes glow slightly, “That’s not right, Schneep!”

Schneep pushes back against Jackie and whispers back, “If we do not- they will just poof away and will not get the info we need to save Marvin! Do you want to help him or not?!”

Jackie’s mouth opens and closes before he scowls and looks away. Schneep tries to hide a triumphant smirk. He then takes the orb from Jackie’s palm and holds it out before announcing, “We will release you… but only if you swear to tell us everything you know about what is happening to Marvin. If you do not and try to escape… we will treat you as the criminals you are and take the actions necessary to put you both back in jail.” Mare rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah, stiff- whatever! Just get us out of here! My brother is fucking dying!”

Jackie and Schneep make eye contact before the doctor gives the okay. Jackie readies to smash the orb on the floor-But Jamie quickly stops him. He then signs, “Perhaps I can offer some assistance?”

The hero looks confused but he offers the ball to Jameson regardless. The gentleman smiles in appreciation then holds both his hands over the glass. He closes his eyes and focuses- teal light travels up the glass and coats the orb. Then, a flash of teal light rockets across to the empty space in the room and from the light forms Mare and Phantom in the same position they were in inside the orb.

Chase whistles, “Nice work J! ...now we won’t have to step on broken glass!”

Mare takes in a deep breath and looks over his extremely pale brother, who is breathing heavily and can barely keep open his dull eyes. He then shoots up to his feet and tries to make it to the back rooms of the shop.

Jackie beats him though and holds out his arms to stop him, his eyes flaring blue. “Where do you think you’re going?”

The dark ego bares his teeth ferally and pushes into Jackie’s face. “Out of my fucking way. Hero! You might not care but we were in there for a week! And those orbs absorb magic- it’s been sucking my brother dry for days! So- if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna get him something to make sure he’s alive for your fucking interrogation- is that okay with you?!”

The red hooded hero stands speechless and just steps aside, letting his arms fall as he nods. Mare doesn’t waste a second to rush past him.

There’s the sound of rustling and glass bottles hitting the floor before NateMare rushes back out and skids on his knees to be back by Phantom’s side. He cradles the other figment’s head and gently lowers a bright red glowing potion to his lips. The second the liquid meets his lips, Phantom’s eyes shoot open and glow red as he gasps. His back arches and he almost seems like he’s in pain but Mare just holds on tighter and dumps the rest of the potion into his mouth.

“I know…” He whispers, “Just- hold on, okay Phan? This will help, I promise…”

The other egos watch with bated breath.

Eventually the last drop falls into Phantom’s mouth and Mare takes the bottle away. Phantom pants like a man dehydrated finally offered a drink. His eyes burn red and for a second it seems like nothing happened. Then, the red blooms on his skin- in his veins, and travels across his body. The demon shudders and grits his teeth but as the magic flows, his pallor returning to normal. Finally, he sags in Mare’s grip and starts to breathe at a more regular pace. He weakly smiles up to his brother. They don’t exchange words, just simple nods but… it seems like Phantom was trying to say thank you. Phantom then turns and seems to remember they have company. He sighs and groans as he pushes himself up. He’s a bit unsteady but soon he’s standing tall again. He opens up his palm and from the ground, his staff comes rushing out and into his grip. He spins it then slams it to the ground to lean on. He eyes the company of Septic egos as he pushes back his hair.

“Forgive my… haggard appearance. Your brother… managed to do quite a number on me.”

“So, you know what happened to him? He was here?” Jackie asks eagerly. Phantom raises a hand to silence him.

“I will answer all your questions… but only if you let Mare go to rest. He does not have any answers for you and... He hasn’t been able to eat or drink since we were imprisoned… I did what I could but.. I survive on magic. He does not.”

The egos look at each other before nodding in understanding. Phantom nods to his brother, “Go. I’ll check up on you later.”

Mare seems hesitant to leave- but after a stern look from his brother he purses his lips but retreats to the back rooms regardless.

Jackie quickly pipes back up as soon as the curtains close behind him, “So- Marvin? He was here?”

Phantom nods, “Yes, he was here. He was the one who trapped us.” He then looks to Jackie and raises an eyebrow, “Said the act was… what you would call Justice.” He then shrugs and sighs, going to fall against one of the armchairs in the room. “Which I guess is fair-”

The hero’s gaze hardens as he hisses, “He doesn’t speak for me. I wouldn’t have done something like that.”

The red demon raises his head in slight surprise, then he smirks, “Oh~ I sense a bit of in-fighting?”

The air in the room gets tense as all the egos shuffle and cough. “Uh.. you could definitely say that-” Chase mutters.

Phantom hums and goes to lean forward in his chair, tapping his fingers against his orb. “...I already had my suspicions… and since you all are here for answers… why don’t you fill me in on what mischief my darling little apprentice has gotten himself into?”

“Don’t call him that-” A speech slide darts in front of Phantom’s vision followed by a serious looking Jameson. He frowns and pops up another slide once he’s gotten Phantom’s attention, “He is not yours. Not anymore.”

The demon blinks then chuckles and shakes his head, “I suppose you’re right, Jackson.”

Suddenly, the air turns electric as a groan of annoyance sounds from Jameson’s phone. Glitches fly out of his pocket and soon Anti’s fizzly form splays across one of the couches as he throws out his limbs in exasperation. “Jesus christ yall can blabber! Can we get on with this already?! Or need I remind you kitten whiskers literally has all our lives on the line?!”

Phantom jumps and somewhat curls up in his chair, trying to hide the fear in his eyes. “...w...what is he doing here?”

Anti blinks then grins wolfishly at Phantom, “Well hello to you too pretty boy- still not over our last encounter I see?” He laughs madly.

Jackie sighs then points to Anti with his thumb, “He’s the start of this whole thing. Plus… Marvin is targeting him.”

This peaks the con-man’s interest. He knits his eyebrows together and gathers his composure, leaning all his weight on his staff and linking his fingers. “...Enlighten me.”

The Septic egos then take their time to explain everything: Anti’s kidnapping of Marvin. The state of Jack. Marvin’s memory loss- his behavior after being rescued. How all that changed suddenly. His manipulation of Jameson. The book- the nighttime encounter in Jackie’s apartment. Jackie and Marvin’s fight. The criminals he killed. The veins and purple magic and eyes- the smoke that seemed to coat everything black. The hospital… how Marvin took Jack. Phantom listens intently. After they’re done he sighs and brushes back in his hair, looking towards the bookshelf behind him. “..it’s as I feared.”

He looks over the boys then stands up to address them, “... this time I am not the source of Marvin’s problem. In fact… I fear the problem may have sprouted from inside him.”

“What?” Henrik asks, “What does that mean?”

“Yeah- this… this doesn’t seem like Marvin’s magic at all! He.. he’s good! That’s how Jack made him- so how could this come from him?” Jackie shouts, looking angry.

Phantom holds up a hand to silence them. “I’m not saying this just happened randomly… but you must know this. Magic deals in absolutes.”

He then holds his hand over his orb and starts to dance his fingers in the air over it. White light comes from the orb and starts to dance in the air.

“In our world- Light magic is the prominent force. All magic stems from it. Because typically, magic is used to help or heal. Like… superpowers. They are a form of light magic. When magic first began… it was only used for good. However, humanity is selfish. And with selfishness comes the other side of magic… dark magic… black magic. Black magic is an invader- it was not made to exist here. But- through selfish desires and evil intentions it entered into our world. And… black magic is not like the light. It is constantly hungry- because it knows it does not belong here. It seeks to devour all sources of light and life. Even it’s users… it either devours them whole- or uses them to draw more people into darkness.”

Anti rolls his eyes, “Alright Merlin, thanks for the magic lesson. What’s all this bullshit gotta do with this?”

Phantom huffs and grips his staff, “I’m getting to that. But since you so kindly interrupted me, I’ll be blunt with you.” He points his staff at Anti. “You, glitch, are the catalyst for Marvin’s transformation.”

The glitch sputters, his form buzzing with static as he sits up, “What the fuck?! How is this my fault- I didn’t do anything to whisker’s magic! I’m not even magic myself!”

Phantom laughs and shakes his head, “All figments are filled with some form of magic. Or we wouldn’t exist.

But that’s besides the point for now. Remind me again, Anti, what is it you had Marvin do while in your capture?”

All the egos turn cold eyes on Anti. The glitch almost looks guilty as he crosses his arms and looks away from his audience. “I… forced him to put Jack to sleep.” Then he shakes his head and throws out his hands, “But that’s it! I didn’t touch him- I didn’t possess him or corrupt him or anything!”

Phantom nods and floats fingers through the white light still floating in the air. “Perhaps you didn’t… but you provided the spark.”

He opens his arms to the light, “Pretend if you will- this is Marvin’s core. His center of magic- his soul. Jackie mentioned earlier- your creator made Marvin to be good. So- that’s what his core is. A source of light magic.”

He then snaps and a pure black flame ignites on his fingertip. “Now- if I add a spark of black magic…” He lowers the black flame into the white light.

The light almost instantly begins to be eaten by the black. The black spears through the light like a hungry predator until all that’s left floating in the air in a bubble of black, sparking with purple power.

The septics watch with horror.

“...that’s... what's happening to Marvin?” Chase asks in a small voice.

“...it is a slower process but yes.” Phantom nods. He leans back into his chair and snaps the magic out of the air.

“Since Marvin’s core is good, any type of spell that goes against his nature could possibly change his entire magical alignment. What most likely happened is… whatever spell he used on Jack was enough to spark a dark magic takeover.”

“...But- Marvin has used darker magic before.” Jameson points out, “**Like when he’s been possessed by Antisepticeye- or… his last encounter with you. How come that didn’t trigger his magic to change?” **

Phantom hums with a smile, “A good question, Jackson. While under possession, Marvin’s magic is not entirely his own. When under my control- I fueled him with my own magic. It’s like… dye in water. It can leave the water stained sure- but eventually it will return to what it was because of the constant flow. Magic is fueled by the soul- so as long as Marvin is alive, his magic refuels itself. So even if it was changed momentarily by an outside source- it should go back to what his core was.”

“...the community-” Anti suddenly mumbles. Everyone looks to him with curiosity.

“...yes, Anti?” Phantom raises an eyebrow.

The glitch scowls then turns to face the other demon. “Jack’s community. Does that count as an outside source? Because I swear that Magician’s purpose has been flip-flopping around so much because they can’t make up their goddamn minds on what side he should be on. All this magic bullshit- does it really matter when Jack and the community has so much pull on our characters?”

The air is silent while the room takes in this information. Phantom smiles and leans back. “Hm- I can’t say for certain… though me and Mare are influenced by our community as well- each figments story is different. Me and Mare were made to be evil so… there’s not much we can do to change that.”

He then points his staff at some of the septics, partially Jameson and Schneep. “However- that is why I’ve found you septics so… fascinating. Even if Jack made you one way… the fandom can change you. Like how our beloved Doctor was once considered to be on the Glitch’s side… or how Mr. Jackson seemed to be free of corruption because of the fandom’s love… until it was revealed he was a puppet all along.”

Schneep nervously rubs his neck and looks away, shuddering at the memories from that time. “...that… I..I do remember… being changed by them. Forced to be someone else… until Jack set the record straight.”

Jamie is silent, playing with his hands and looking at the ground. His wrists hidden under his sleeves- his strings out of sight. Phantom smiles to himself, “That’s why I’ve always been so fascinated by my Magnificent… he’s so easily swayed. His alignment is so back and forth. He could be anything. He could become anyone.” 

“Okay so- why isn’t this they’re fault, magic man?” Anti suddenly sneers, “Why isn’t this debacle their fault?! They almost have as much power as Jack does! Why aren’t they responsible?”

Phantom scratches his chin and taps his specter thoughtfully, “...I don’t think we can rule out their influence entirely. But… Marvin hasn’t been the star of the show for a quite a long time, yes? So… a change this sudden could only be explained by new lore from Jack. and… since he’s asleep.” The demon looks pointedly at Anti and raises an eyebrow. Anti grumbles and folds his arms again, sinking into the couch.

Jackie sighs and sits down, holding out his hands, “Okay so- let’s recap… because Anti made Marvin put Jack to sleep- that magic he used started to change his core. It went from light magic to black magic because black magic is a greedy bastard- so it’s changing Marvin… which is why he… he did all the things he did… right?”

The red clad demon nods, “Correct. Since the magic is an invader… one could say it’s possessing your brother. But- it won’t take much for it to grab control and change him permanently. He was already starting… what he was doing to those thugs is classic black magic. Feeding off life forces helps to fuel the black magic even faster. There’s nothing more selfish or evil than taking a life. ...Marvin’s actions might not entirely be his own- this all could be the black magic working to take over Marvin’s core faster. Especially since he did not choose to use that magic that sparked this in the first place… It’s manipulating him.”

Jackie seems to light up slightly. He smiles to himself and whispers, “...i..I knew it- I knew this couldn’t be Marvin… not really.”

“So what can we do to stop this? To save him?” Chase brings up. “We gotta stop him before this thing eats him- or Jack!”

Phantom is quiet for a second before sighing, “...that.. I do not know.”

“What?!” Jackie exclaims as he jumps to his feet, eyes burning. “You- You know all of this but you don’t know how to save him?! What the fuck?!”

The demon just raises an eyebrow, “Hero. I collect souls to survive. My core thrives off dark magic. I may know how it works… but I don’t know how to stop the process.” He then sighs and looks around. “I can give you advice though… that book. He stole it from me. It is a source of black magic itself- and it reacts to the user. It will do anything in its power to keep Marvin reliant on its spells. It will only hasten his corruption so… try to keep it away from him. Seal it away… it can’t be destroyed except by the purest of light magic.

Also- beware him collecting a large group of people. The magic inside him is going to be looking for the largest amount of souls it can corrupt. And… if he succeeds…. It will be too late. Your brother will be consumed. And they’ll be no going back.”

The air grows heavy at this news and the others exchange worried glances. The con-man watches before rising to his feet. “I’ve given you all the information I can… I would use it quickly if you want to save Marvin. Every second wasted is him getting closer to being consumed.”

The others look at each other then nod. “Alright… thank you Phantom.”

“As promised… we will not bother you and Natemare.” Schneep adds, adjusting his coat as he gets to his feet. He gestures to the others and starts to head for the door. Anti watches from the couch, seeming to be deep in thought.

Before Jackie can join the others however, Phantom lightly grabs his wrist to stop him. The hero looks back with confusion. The dark magician looks… almost bashful. He opens and closes his mouth several times before whispering out in sincerity, “... I know there is a lot at stake but… please Jackieboy… save my Magnificent.”

Jackie balks at this- then slowly his eyes start to burn with anger. He throws Phantom’s hand off him and grabs the figment by his vest and throws him against one of the pillars making up the walls.

“Are you fucking serious?! Your magnificent?! He isn’t your property asshole! After all of this- after all he’s been through you still think you get to stand here and be selfish?! To think about how you’re going to use him next?! If you so much as breathe near him again I swear to god i’ll-!”

Phantom just sits there and takes it- looking Jackie in the face. Jackie pants and growls, pushing Phantom more up against the wall when words fail him. The demon winces then opens one eye to look at Jackie.

“Are you done? Can i say my piece now?”

Jackie bares his teeth, ‘What could you possibly have to say to that? Gonna manipulate me with your fucking smoke to make me think you were in the right all this time? That you were helping him? That you ever cared for him at all as an apprentice?!”

“I DID CARE!” Phantom suddenly shouts, pushing back in Jackie’s face and blasting out enough magic to get Jackie to let go. Jackie stumbles back and narrows his eyes at Phantom as the demon dusts himself off and straightens his vest.

“...or… I do care. ...I think-” He sighs and lowers his gaze to the hero. “...I’m not like you and your family, Jackie. I wasn’t made to be good. I was made to manipulate and to steal. To trick. So… of course that was my purpose when I first took your brother in all those years ago…

However, despite my nature… i believe I developed a… soft spot for him. I… didn’t know how to interpret those feelings. I thought it was a need to fully control him- to make him mine. But… even that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t understand.”

He then sighs and picks his specter off the ground, going to twist it thoughtfully between his fingers. “But… all that time spent in that orb… enduring the same thing I made him endure… I was able to think. ...to maybe realize it was more than that need of control. That… maybe- the very small part of me that’s human… maybe that part actually cared for him. ...like how I care for Mare.”

Jackie’s hard expression softens slightly, looking to Phantom in confusion. The demon doesn’t meet his eyes as he chuckles bitterly.

“...I fought it for a while but… he was different than my other cons. He was… the first one just like me. A fellow figment just...looking for a place in the world. Of course… my purpose had to be fulfilled… a creation can’t deny its reason for existing. But… for a while… I couldn’t. Not to him. Maybe that’s why it took me so many years to finally hunt him down…”

He shakes his head then ventures to his bookshelf, going to open a small ornate chest. He digs inside then pulls out a white object and holds it in his hands while turned away from Jackie, rubbing his fingers against the surface.

“You know… there’s one thing I know about light magic… why you heroes and goody-two-shoes always best us in the end.” He laughs and turns to Jackie, handing the item to him.

It’s a blank white cat mask.

Jackie’s eyes widen as he takes it and then he looks to Phantom, who’s smiling bitterly.

“...it’s your ability to be positive. To believe in each other. To have things and memories that… keep the darkness away. ...perhaps that can help you.”

The demon looks to the ceiling almost wistfully, “I know… anything involved with me is tainted now. And… Marvin will never want anything to do with me again. I’m.. okay with that. But… maybe that mask… can remind him of when magic was good to him. When his love for magic was pure and child-like… perhaps it can save him from the dark.”

Jackie is speechless once again. He looks down at the mask and rubs his thumb against the edge. He can imagine Marvin when he first met him- when he first took off his distrustful shell and started to open up. How happy and mischievous and carefree he was. Did he actually feel that way with Phantom once?

“...you really do care about him..” Jackie pipes up quietly. Phantom smiles and shrugs.

“...I can’t say for sure. But… i do hope you save him. Really…” He sighs and looks back to Jackie seriously, “If he survives… I will leave him be. I will not hunt him down again… I will consider all his debts paid.”

Jackie’s eyebrows raise in surprise. Then, he laughs slightly and puts the mask in his backpack. He straightens the straps and turns to go- but not before giving one last look to Phantom.

“Hey- maybe there’s a little light in you after all Phantom.”

Phantom snorts, “Don’t get mushy on me, hero. You’ll make me more sick than I already am.”

Jackie laughs and shrugs, “Fair enough. Well… thanks.”

“Just get out of here, Jackieboy- don’t waste what little time you have with pleasantries.” Phantom grumbles, going to head towards the back room. “And… good luck.”

The hero nods and grins before hurrying out of the store and back into daylight.

However, he’s quickly met with a panicking Schneep and Chase who are on him in a second.

“Jackie! Oh god- oh shit this is bad!” Chase whimpers.

“What? What happened? What’s wrong??”

Schneep meets Jackie’s eyes, his own filled with fear.

“...Anti has disappeared. And he took Jameson with him.”

“...son of a bitch-?!”

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay i’m going to go off about celebs again…. but like…. does anyone remember the gross asf vitriol that went around in 2011-2013 about justin bieber where the joke was “more like justINE bieber am i right??? 😂😂😅😅” from the “haters” of him. i, myself, actually joined in on this; considering that i thought that liking all the emo shit i was into made me “more mature than belibers” or some other absolutely batshit backwards bullshit that i would’ve spat out at the time to sound “edgy” and “NoT LiKe OtHeR GiRlS 👩🏻‍🎤👩🏻‍🎤”….. when in my group at catholic school, i had two girls in my group that were belibers themselves lol. i honestly made zilch sense.

but like to rest on this a bit, what the actual fuck was up with this joke???? why the fuck did the whole world just gang up on this teenage boy, who through no fault of his own, was still going through puberty…. so of course his voice was still going to be high??? and then the weird fucking speculation some fucking gross ass literal grown up adult people had back then of “when do you/we think his balls are going drop, so that we wont be call to be able to call him justine bieber anymore 😅😭??? just let us have our fun??!!” like what the FUCK??? why did everyone think that this was their business??? it wasn’t his fault in a sense that he stumbled into usher and got signed.

like….. no wonder justin’s had several breakdowns over the years. i would too. because how the fuck would you deal with this???? people just throwing out so casually this horrible fucking vitriol that they think you’re a girl OR think that you should get a sex change because it’s obviously a lie that he’s a boy/man OR think that you’re not “just a butch lesbian disguised as a 16yo boy” (these were legit other arguments at the time). like he was a KID for fucks sake. who the fuck asks to go through puberty in the fucking spotlight???? fucking N O O N E thats fucking who. like obviously he’s had a myriad of meltdowns and bad publicity over the years since. but this bullshit would’ve been so fucking horrible to take during the shitty years of puberty and high school to boot. obviously, in the years since, he’s done roast battles with jokes about this, so it’s good that he was able deal with it and joke about it, albeit eventually.

but i would’ve absolutely fucking hated to have all my pubescent behaviour and changes being fucking aired and speculated on in public view, for completely random people, famous or not, to comment on and make fun of. like i’ve talked before about the trouble i had with my period in my teens. i would’ve LOATHED to have that shit aired as it happened, on a red carpet for example. or as im accepting an award or just let alone performing at a show. just mid speech or mid performance. i would’ve bled (leaked) onto an expensive costume or provided expensive designer dress (or my own clothes/outfit) because my flow for a particular month/week was uber heavy. or god forbid, i wouldve thrown up mid-press-junket-interview on air or almost fucking passed out as well, depending on how my cycle/ovaries/hormones were feeling during a particular month/week.

like this is besides my point in a sense, but still. i would’ve had this aired and speculated on if i’d been catapulted to fame at the same time as bieber (and keep in mind, he is literally only a year older than me). but my period struggles would have been spun as “are you SURE this GIRL isn’t a BOY who knows nothing about period products??? does she know ANYTHING about pads & tampons so she WON’T bleed onto her dress or the like??? what a lazy, disgusting “girl”!” or “does she KNOW just how WEAK she is for NOT controlling her period pain??? how dare she pass out mid-show??? does she know she’s FAKING IT??? what a weak person, just GET UP and PERFORM, MONKEY because PERIODS ARENT THAT BAD!!! just think like a MAN and your period pain will go away!” or some other bizarre speculative bullshit that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

when unbeknownst to anyone, i would’ve had about 5 advil tablets to both deal with my utterly unbearable period pain and unfathomably blinding and mind-numbing hormonal period headache, right before the said event or interview or whatever the fuck celeb duty i was carrying out. i would’ve had heat pads on, i would have been dizzy when arriving to and leaving from sets, etc etc etc. and finally, i would’ve been incredibly tired during all of this…… because of how much my periods fucked me around as a teen, to the point that some nights i couldn’t even fucking sleep properly. or the only reprieve i would get from the pain would be the aforementioned 5 advil tablets and an all day nap. on top of all this, i probably would’ve had to BEG (all because video call interviews weren’t particularly popular back then) for some like video call interview type thing from my bedroom or home studio or whatever, just to avoid going into an actual studio & set so i could just lay in bed or sit somewhere comfortable for the whole interview. and again etc etc etc because of all the other problems i had with my periods in my teens til my early fucking 20s, that i’ve mentioned several times on/in various posts on this hellsite over the years.

and the same goes for female stars like sasha pieterse from PLL when she opened up about her struggle with PCOS, and halsey with sharing her struggle with endometriosis. i would’ve hated to go through those medical conditions in the spotlight. i feel for them. it’s also the same thing with boobs: where the most famous example in recent years is ariel winter from modern family….. with how she needed a breast reduction because her boobs were giving her back problems and stuff, because she was like an F cup or something. and she also hated the creepy ass comments she was getting from gross dudes about how nice her boobs were or whatever the fuck, even while she was still a teen on the show.

anyway. back to bieber. i only say this because literally like last year or in 2019, the bieber joke appeared in my feed again in the first time in YEARS and i ended up tagging one of my old catholic school friends like “how the fuck do people still think this is funny?? it’s so 2011. and come to think of it, it was never funny in the first place anyway”. like both the media and the public had absolutely no right to speculate this shit and invade a young teen boy’s privacy like this??? it was so fucked up. idk why i didn’t make a post about it at the time…. but it also came into my mind just now because i commented on a post about justin bieber the other night about how he’s had fans stalk him to his nyc apartment again. like when the actual fuck will people fucking learn to let celebs have their goddamned privacy lmao.

[simon-says-man-up]

Shot Advice for Testosterone

This is a little post that I’m making for those who do their HRT shots themselves. I’ve been on T for five weeks as of this post, so I’ve done a few but I may have more tips in the future, so expect a part 2 sometime in the future!

TW/CW: Needles, injections

I do my shots intramuscular (IM) and in my thigh. Some people inject in the buttocks, some people do subcutaneous shots (SC) and some people take oral tablets, or use gels. I haven’t done the subQ shots, so I don’t have specific advice for those folks, but I’ll try to link some other posts from fellow bloggers if I find some for you guys! As far as the shot, I do it in public bathrooms (I know, hang with me) only because I’m too lazy to keep my own sharps container and I’m also without a permanent place to live right now, but this is important! 

CAP ALL OF YOUR NEEDLES. All of them, every single one. And after you cap them, put them in a sharps container. This can be one of the wall-hanging ones in a public bathroom, a secure plastic container, or you can buy ones from amazon. Used needles are not good things to have floating around the house uncapped, so cap them all and keep them all secured and accounted for. 

Now, onto the shot!

First of all, when you pick up your prescription, this stuff should all be included in the order. You’ll get some combination of these items:

-- A bottle of testosterone formula

-- Syringes (may or may not have a filler needle pre-attached)

-- Injection needles (these are different from the filler needle. I’m not using official terms, so I will explain below.

-- Alcohol swabs (You can buy extras of these too if you want)

When you do the shot, lay out what you need beforehand so you’re not bumbling around trying to find where you put the other needles or forgetting to use alcohol swabs because you didn’t take them out of the drawer first. It makes everything easier. Lay out the bottle of T, TWO alcohol swabs, an injection needle, and the filler needle and syringe. 

Step 1: Open the first alcohol swab. Rub it on the top of the T bottle, and around the whole neck of the bottle. This keeps the bottle clean. Your bottle will have a self-sealing top, so don’t worry about getting alcohol in the T, just keep it clean.

Step 2: Open the filler syringe and needle. My prescription includes syringes with a needle already on top. This syringe and needle is what I call the “filler needle” because it’s the one you use to fill the syringe up with T. It will have a cap on it. TWIST the colored needle cap to take off the needle WITH the cap on, and PULL the colored needle cap straight out to take the cap off the needle while leaving the needle on the syringe. The way I remember this is “twist to trash, pull to poke”

*DO NOT INJECT with this needle. It’s big as hell and will hurt and it’s also going to be dirty if you’ve just stuck it into a bottle of T. 

Step 3: Now that your filler syringe is open and the needle cap off, pull the plunger on the needle back past the amount you are going to inject to fill the syringe with air. If you are injecting 0.1mL, pull the plunger back to 0.13mL, for example. Turn the bottle of T upside down (you cleaned the bottle, right?) and push the needle into the bottle. Inject the air from the syringe and then sloooowly pull the plunger back to start filling the syringe with T. Fill past your injection amount, once again.

*T is oily and a little thick. It will take a minute to fill up and feel like forever sometimes. Just have a little patience :)

Step 4: Now that your syringe is full of T (and a little bit more than your dose amount) pull the needle back out and cap it again with the cap that came on it. The cap on your bottle may be self-sealing. All that means is that once you pull the needle out, the rubbery stuff in the cap will close up the hole from the needle. This stops any medication from leaking back out the needle holes that you make, so don’t worry about drips or anything. Oh, the wonders of plastic! Set aside this capped needle for the sharps container.

Step 5: Retrieve your sterile-wrapped injection needle. For me, this needle is smaller and shorter than the filler needle. If you are doing SC injections or buttocks injections, you may have two different sets of injection needles. The longer of the two needles is for the butt, and the shorter of the two is for the thigh. Pick your poison and with the colored cap still on the needle, twist the new needle onto your T-filled syringe. Set the syringe aside for a moment.

Step 6: Clean the injection site. Take alcohol swab #2 and use it to clean your injection site. For those of you using the thigh, this will be in the outer third of your thigh. You find this space by sitting down and putting one hand flat on the top of your leg, wrist towards your hip and fingers pointing towards your crotch, like you’re putting your hands on your hips except on the front of your legs. Now, take your other hand and put it just above your knee, perpendicular to your leg. The area between your hands is the middle third, and the thickest part of your leg. Now, to find the outside, follow an imaginary line down the front of your legs. You are injecting the outside half of your leg, in the thicker area of your thigh. When you’ve got the spot, swab the whole thing down with the alcohol wipe. I dig into the muscle a little bit at this point to relax it. 

Step 7: Take your capped injection syringe and needle and uncap the needle. Pull the colored cap straight off. Remember that extra T I had you put in? Push it out now, until you’re at the amount you should be injecting. This will push all of the air out of the syringe and a little drop of T so that the needle is lubricated. You do not want to inject air into your body, so try to get it all out of there. 

Step 8: Now, you stick the needle into your skin. When you do, commit and push it straight down at a 90 degree angle in a smooth, quick motion. You can hold the base of the needle with your free hand if it helps to steady the syringe. Push the plunger down to a count of ten. Some T may leak back out around the syringe base. This is okay. Once the syringe is empty, pull the needle straight back out and cap it again with the colored cap. Remove the capped needle from the syringe and put a bandage on the spot if it’s bleeding. I don’t bleed much and I’m hairy and hate bandaids so I don’t put bandages on. I just press a small piece of toilet paper against it if it bleeds a drop or two and then continue my day.

You’re done! Congrats on your shot, and on putting another dose under your belt. I will try to link tutorials for other T administration methods for those of you not doing IM shots, so stay on the lookout. I will also be making a post shortly about general tips on shots, the less fun parts of doing T shots, and on troubleshooting some of the struggles people have with shots. Stay cool,friends!

[writingismyhappytime]

Dauntless: Daddy Dearest (Part 11)

Eric x OC

Warnings: Language, Violence

A/N: Uh…. I know it’s been a while, but here you go!

“Eric.”

I glanced over as I heard my name called, spying Max standing with Hera. I didn’t see her often, she was always buried deep in the intelligence office, so no doubt this was going to be interesting.

I glanced around, but no one had noticed Max step into the room and it was better this way. I slipped easily over to him, crossing my arms with with frown.

The Dauntless leader hadn’t called on me in a few months since my kid was born, so I was curious as to what he wanted. Need some dirty work handled? Admittedly I’d been getting a little bored with all this regular training and work, I was up for some action.

“Hera, Eric, I assume you two know each other.”

“In passing.” Hera nodded. She was a little shorter then me, with chin length blonde hair and double nose piercings. Her blue eyes were thickly lined with black and she didn’t look like she got out much or could even lift ten pounds both hands. I’d never even had a conversation with her.

“Good. Eric, you and Hera are going to be working closely together for the next week. We have a situation.”

Finally!

“What kind?”

“Better to be discussed in private,” Hera said coolly, her eyes hard. She spoke pretty soft, it was almost hard to hear her, and I vaguely wondered how much of a fighter she was; could she even hold her own or was she all brain?

“Fine.”

~~~~~~

“As you can see, we have a leak here in Dauntless.” Hera informed me, long finger pointing at the papers in front of me. “Someone is telling the other factions of some of our… rather risqué operations.”

She meant the murders that were shown as suicides or accidents, or our occasional slaughter of the faction less to keep down the population and our resources from being used too much.

“Why can’t you track it? This place is covered in cameras.”

“Unfortunately, the leak knows that and has been devising ways to get around it. We cannot even trace it back to their computer, or whatever else they’re using to convey our missions. This needs to be handled quietly.”

“So we find them and toss them in the chasm.”

“Quietly.”

Sounded easy.

“Who are the suspects?” I cracked my knuckles thoughtfully. Really, I’d just toss them all into the chasm “accidentally” and not worry about it. It wasn’t good if someone was spilling the beans about our darker movements, especially since I was involved in most of them.

I told Max he shouldn’t keep everything documented.

“This man, goes by Zeeg, works in the armory.”

“I know him. He’s a little wimpy thing.” I frowned, pressing my hands flat against the metal table as I leaned forward, looking at his photo as it flickered on the wall. I’d worked in the armory a bit when Camille was about to have the loaf, so I got familiar there. Mel knew him well.

“What are your thoughts on him?” Hera’s cold eyes landed on me, unwavering. Man, bitch might be small, but she had a harsh look.

“He’s not much of any leader, terrified if you yell at him. Lazy, but he shouldn’t have access to any files. He doesn’t even have access into the inventory system, he just stacks the ammo and takes count.” I gazed at his photo, then shook my head. “Next.”

“Next,” Hera taps her finger against the table, changing the photo. “Amanda Nuwellan. Higher level guard on the wall.”

“Don’t know her.”

“She was in your initiate class, she originated from Candor.”

“Still don’t know her. If she wasn’t on my level, she wasn’t worth my attention.” I said flatly, shrugging. “What’s her deal?”

“She left two brothers in Candor, and perhaps those obsessed with the truth would like to know our secrets. She works on the wall, but rotation has been recent and so she has been there the last three months until last week.”

“Sounds like you think it’s her.”

“Suspicions, nothing more.” Hera tapped her finger again, and the picture changed to a familiar face.

My stomach dropped.

“Tori Wu, she’s a tattoo artist in the Pit.” Hera said, but it’s the way she looked at me that let told me she knew there was a connection. “Her brother was an undesirable and eliminated, so she has reason to try to reveal our operations.”

Ahuh.

“What reason does Zeeg have?” I asked, noticing she’d neglected to mention his possible need for exposing us. I stared at her, refusing to look away.

“Zeeg is the son of an undesirable who became faction less last year. He is now dead thanks to a… well, you remember the warehouse incident you and your wife lead.”

Wife?

“His death was his own fault then for thinking he could fight against us.” I said flatly, shrugging. “how does the kid even know about it?”

“We’re currently unaware of he does, but he is on the list.”

“How did you put this list together? Just these three?”

“There have been four instances where we’ve seen the information leaked, and these three have always been in the vicinity.”

“How so?”

“Zeeg is in the armory, he has access to a number of weapons. We’ve noticed the faction less are becoming more volatile, that —.”

“You think he’s passing weapons to them? How? Mel keeps a strict log of every gun that enters that armory.” At least I thought she did.

“Melanie Koskovska, you mean?”

“Yes.”

Hera looked thoughtful. “Perhaps the weapons are not even getting logged in the first place. Is she in charge of that?”

I didn’t like where this was going.

“Yes. The head of the armory personally checks every weapon in. If it’s her being the leak, you’d have a lot more information floating around.”

“And why is that?”

“Mel and I are the ones on those lists of soldiers deployed during those operations. She knows more details than are on those reports, and she’s… not that good with technology.”

Weapons, she was great. Using the common toaster and not setting the contents on fire? Not so much.

“Hmm. I was unaware of her involvement.” Hera frowned, and I raised a brow at her.

“Do you even know what’s in the reports that have been leaked?” I asked after a moment, wondering if Max even briefed her in on what we did in the shadows. Is she oblivious to the fact sometimes you gotta murder your own for the greater good?

“Yes, I’m aware of the contents. Quiet executions, population control, reconnaissance. I know you’re the one in charge of most of them, that Max favors you for the position.”

“Im good at what I do.”

“So it seems.” She said dryly, leaning over to tap the table again. My eyes flicked down, noticing the sudden chest on display for me; her top was modest, but leaning forward definitely changed that fact. I could see the ink crawling against her skin, but I looked away before my curiosity got the best of me.

“So what about your wife? How many operations has she gone on?”

“Camille isn’t my wife. And not many; she wouldn’t agree with many of them. She’s lead some missions against the factionless for defense and rescue missions, but she’s not like me.” I said flatly, refusing to play her little mind games; this woman was all about twisting words around. She knew Camille wasn’t my wife, and I didn’t doubt she already knew everything about us that was on file.

She was a dangerous woman.

~~~~~~~

“Mel.”

“Eric.”

Mel looked at me suspiciously through the holes in the fence barring entrance to the armory. I glanced down at the tablet where I was supposed to sign in so it would show I visited but ignored it.

“How’s everything going here?” I asked after a moment, my eyes flicking behind her blonde head, searching for Zeeg.

“The normal. What do you want?”

“Just came to visit.”

“You hate the armory.” Mel crossed her tattooed arms suspiciously, and I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t going to tell her what I was up too, she wasn’t invited to the meeting for a reason, probably because she had direct contact with the suspect.

Tori was Camille’s friend, not mine, so it wouldn’t bother me too much to kill her or the like. A traitor is a traitor no matter the connections.

“How’s the counting going?” I asked after a moment, crossing my arms as I leaned against the desk.

The armory was large, walls and upper levels lined with weapons and ammunition. They were all locked behind bars, of course, just as Mel was separated me from a fence, a small curve at the bottom in case I needed to pass her something.

“What do you want, Eric?” Mel looked annoyed, the lights glinting off her piercings when she leaned back on her heels, glaring at me; we weren’t exactly on the best of terms, currently, but I knew I could rely on her if it came down to it. Strange, considering we were both murderers and backstabbers.

My eyes flicked behind her, but so far I hadn’t seen anyone else. I tilted my head slightly, gesturing for her to come out and talk to me. She stiffened, and I’m pretty sure she considered saying “fuck you” and walking off, but her curiosity had always been her downfall.

She gave a labored sigh before she glanced around. Her face was sour as she casually walked towards the gate and stepped out, letting it close firmly behind her before she followed me to one of the smaller crevices in the back, mostly where we kept the storage.

“What’s going on?” She grumbled, crossing her arms as she looked up at me, both of us hidden behind some stacked tables. “I know you’re not here for a booty call.”

I snorted, shaking my head. “No, but we got trouble.”

“How so?” I had her attention now, her dark eyes serious. Mel didn’t like complications, or basically anything that could change up her afternoon plans. Me saying something like that would have her entire focus on my words.

“We think some weapons are going missing, disappearing before they’re put into the system.” I said softly, making sure to keep my eyes on the door up ahead; I didn’t want anyone sneaking up and overhearing us.

“So of course you come to me for that.” Her face is sour. “You want me to see if anyone’s acting suspicious around here, keep a tighter watch?”

“Yup.”

“What happens when you find who it is?”

I didn’t have to answer that, I just looked at her. I’d kill them, after interrogation, of course. We couldn’t have people like that in Dauntless, risking everything for us. We needed control, right down to the smallest peon.

“Great, so I’m going to need to find a replacement. Fucking wonderful.” She groaned, tugging on one long dread. “This is going to be annoying, isn’t it?”

“Just keep a watch, let me know.” I shrugged, already stepping back. No one had even entered the armory after me, and I hadn’t seen anyone come up to the gate either. I figured we were in the clear. “Don’t do anything unless you know for sure.”

“Anyone I should watch specifically?”

“No.” I wasn’t giving names, Mel wasn’t exactly subtle and she could fuck everything up. “Just watch.”

“Aye, aye, cap'n.” She gave me a mocking salute before she walked away from me, my eyes dropping to her ass out of habit. That woman knew how to fill out a pair of jeans, it’s just too bad she didn’t keep them on long enough for anyone to appreciate it. I wasn’t throwing on Mel, she was the closest I had to a friend, but I knew who she was; just as she knew who I was.

We both had a rocky past.

~~~~~~~

I frowned as I stood on the catwalk above the cafeteria, watching the members of Dauntless ambling about. I curled my fingers around the rails, searching for the woman. I narrowed my eyes as I saw her sitting in one of the corners with a group, Zeeg among them.

Now that’s suspicious.

Nuwellan I think her name was. Slim, dark skinned with a fighters build. I wasn’t surprised she ended up at the wall, although I thought the job to be pretty boring considering nothing ever happens there.

Huh.

Nuwellan was my age, and I’d seen her around but I’d never given her a second thought. It wasn’t rare to get a Candor, they’re just blunt as hell and usually got their assess kicked during their initiate stage.

So what’s her story? Normally when people leave a faction, things with their family left behind goes two ways; either they understand and keep in touch, or they never communicate again.

How close was she with those two brothers? How close was she with Zeeg?

I watched them from above for a while, pretending just to overlook everyone instead of focusing squarely on them. They didn’t seem to notice anyhow, too caught up. Zeeg was arm wrestling with another member of the table, whereas Nuwellan was eating, enjoying her food.

Was it these two? Unless Dauntless did something to her, I can’t imagine Nuwellan turning on us. Zeeg I could, just because his factionless father was murdered and maybe he wants rid of Dauntless, or thinks it’s time for a change. But her… not so much. Of course, that made her even more of a suspect. She could have a less obvious motive, some connection none of us were aware of.

Zeeg seemed too obvious a choice.

And Tori… I didn’t want it to be here, mainly for Camille’s sake. I was pretty sure the tattoo artist was my girlfriends only close friend, and I didn’t want her to lose that — especially not if I had to kill her because I’d never live that down.

I tapped my fingers curiously, and after a moment turned away, satisfied.

I’d tell Hera to look into Nuwellan, check all her correspondence, check every move she’d made since returning to the compound. Who she was with, when and where, and who those people knew as well.

I wanted a file on her.

~~~~~~

I stepped into the tattoo shop curiously, glancing around. I hadn’t been inside in a few years, not since I got my neck tattoos colored. I glanced at my arms, debating getting a touch up on them; I had scars now that distorted one of them.

“Eric.”

Ah!

My eyes flicked over, and I smirked as I saw Tori. She and Camille looked a lot alike with the long dark hair, although my girlfriend had more visible tattoos. Tori had a tattoo of a red-eyed black and white hawk on the back of her neck I always admired but never commented on.

“Tori,” I said coolly, turning towards her where she leaned against one of the tattoo chairs, holding some designs in her hands. She was twice my age I thought, but she was an Erudite transfer as well. I didn’t remember her from my old faction, but I’d probably been too young.

She’d followed her older brother George here, but he’d turned out to be an undesirable and dealt with accordingly. I wouldn’t be shocked if the leak was her, but I definitely didn’t want it to be.

“What are you doing in here?”

“What does someone normally come to a tattoo parlor for?” I rolled my eyes, glancing around. The other artist was old, and he sort of hunched when he walked now, but so long as his hands still worked he was useful; he was the one who’d done my tats years ago.

“So you want a tattoo. What kind?” Tori seemed resigned; she didn’t like me, but the feeling was mutual. She was bitter over her brother, and she’d never gotten past his death. Still, she’d never given any inclination of being a traitor before.

“Dunno yet.”

“Look around, see what you like.”

I was just here to interrogate her actually, but I stepped to the wall, my eyes running down the designs plastered there. I didn’t really see anything that was catching my eye, I’d never been one for color or a lot of intricate lines.

I could feel her watching me suspiciously, but I ignored her, pretending I had no ulterior motives. Camille knew I was working something, that I wouldn’t be able to get Kai. Wouldn’t hurt her to pick him up for a few days anyway.

He was a handful, that one.

“How’s your kid doing?” Tori asked after a moment, as if reading my mind. Normally she was quiet around me, just glared, so I was a little surprised she was asking me anything. Camille had to keep her up to date, right?

“He’s fine.” I shrugged, my eyes landing on the different fonts. My eyes scrolled through the words and the different ways they were written curiously. “Growing.”

“That’s good. He has your eyes.”

“That’s what everyone says. Can you tattoo in this style?” My finger tapped the wall, and Tori nodded after a moment.

“Yeah. You want a word?”

“Yup. Here,” I gestured at the inside of my lower arm. Subtle, not immediately easy to see. “Surely you can do that, right?”

She scowled at me, much more what I’m used too.

“Sit down. What do you want it to say?” She muttered, slipping on some purple gloves as she started getting her equipment together.

“Kai.”

~~~~~~~

“So how long have you and Tori been friends?” I asked as I sprawled out on the sofa. Camille glanced up from the floor where she wrestled Kai into a outfit with legs, despite his kicking and whining. He might be a baby but he was getting stout.

“I’ve known her for as long as I can remember. She’s been here since I was a kid.”

“So she’s a transfer?” Feign ignorance.

“Yeah. Can’t remember where from.” Camille managed to get his outfit buttoned with a sigh. “Why?”

“Just curious. You two seem close.” I rolled onto my stomach, seeing her lean back on her hands as she looked at me. I didn’t want to delve too much, she would catch on pretty fast what I was doing. I didn’t want her to know her friend was under suspicion of being a traitor.

“She did my aptitude test when I was in school. I’d seen her around here before but that was the first time I’d ever spoke to her.”

“Yeah? What were your test results?” I was curious. I’d been Dauntless through and through, so it hadn’t been hard for me to ditch Erudite. I would have gotten myself factionless if I’d stayed there.

Camille actually hesitated.

“You weren’t Dauntless?” I asked after a moment, and she shrugged her shoulders, picking at the carpet.

“I was Dauntless, yeah, but also Candor.”

I snorted, slipping my arm beneath my head. “I can see it. You’re blunt as hell most times.”

“Yeah, but white has never looked good on me.” She gave me a wry smile, Kai rolling back and forth on his back. He’s trying to get onto his stomach, and after a few more tries he made it successfully.

“Well, you chose right, picking Dauntless.”

“Not like I was going to abandon my own faction, Eric. This has always been my home.”

“Yeah. And now you got a kid.”

“And an asshole for a man.”

“I think you made out pretty good then,” I chuckled, reaching forward to rest my hand on her shoulder. “All in all, anyways.”

“You realized that ‘pretty good’ included us getting shot, stabbed, beat up, tossed from trains —.”

“Just the minor details.”

She snorted, then her eyes flicked out to my arm. Her brows rose as she saw my new tattoo. “When did you get that?”

“Oh, earlier today.” I glanced at the black letters spelling out my son’s name on my arm, pleased. Tori had done a great job, they looked exactly how I wanted them. “Tori did it.”

“You got his name on you?” Camille hesitantly reached forward, her fingers drawing down the skin a few inches away.

“Yes. He’s my son. I might be able to dump you but I can’t get rid of him.”

She rolled her eyes, but the look she gave me — it was full of warmth, of sweetness. It was the look I always wanted her to have when she looked at me.

I gave her a small smile before I leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss against her lips. She knew I loved my kid, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I loved both of them, so much I was even putting off my plans of Dauntless domination until Kai was a little older and could defend himself.

Gave me plenty of time to make some allies, too.

“I love you,” I murmured, propping myself up so I could cup her cheek. “and the loaf.”

“I wish you’d stop calling him that.”

“Eh, he doesn’t mind.” I chuckled, kissing her again. Camille never changed, it was one of the things I liked about her. She still put me in my place, yelled at me, told me when I was being an asshole. She took care of her initiates, but she was stern with them; we shared the same ideologies, at least to a point.

We’d been together for years now and yet every day I didn’t mind coming home to her — at least now that she wasn’t screaming at me and ripping me apart because she’d momentarily lost her mind.

Another reminder why we didn’t need another kid.

“The loaf is escaping.” I murmured, and Camille sighed as she leaned away. We both watched as Kai tried to drag himself across the floor, arms and legs not quite ready to do the heavy lifting.

He was determined to make it to my shoe.

“If you want, I can watch him tomorrow so you can get out again.” I offered, shuffling so that I was lying on my back again, my arms pillowing my head as I looked up at the ceiling. I figured if I offered, Camille would go see Tori like she always did, and maybe I could get a little more information outta her about the elusive tattooist.

“That’s suspiciously nice of you, Eric.”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to get out a little more. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“You don’t even like Tori.”

“I don’t like most people. Now do you want me to watch him or not?”

“I guess. Just don’t set the apartment on fire or start teaching him to throw knives.”

“Of course not, that’s next week’s lesson plan.”

~~~~~~~

“So? What are your suspicions?” Hera asked from where she sat at the table, flicking through different pages on the tablet in front of her. I frowned as I leaned against the chair in front of her, glancing around her office.

Rather small, sort of like a closet. She didn’t have anything personal in here, not even a plant, just her tablet and the computer on the wall. Obsolete filing cabinets were pressed up against one wall, old but obviously used for some reason; I guessed if you put things on paper instead of uploading, it’s a lot harder for people to steal it.

“Nuwellan has my attention currently. I saw her and Zeeg sitting together in the cafeteria. Wu is a loner, she keeps to herself for the most part.” I couldn’t leave her out.

“She seems very close friends with your wife.”

Again with the intentional wrong word.

“Girlfriend. They’re friends, yes.”

“Does their friendship cloud your judgement?” Hera asked bluntly, her cold gaze flicking up. Her fingers paused, hovering above the tablet as she stared through her blonde hair at me.

“Personal ties don’t hold me back.” I said flatly. “If she’s the traitor I’ll deal with her. Max knows that, it’s why he chose me.”

“No, not really.” The small, rather vile woman in front of me sighed as she looked back down. “Max chose you to test your loyalty, he thinks you’re losing your edge since you knocked up the trainer. I do hope you’ve no attachments, although I read your file and you’re a useful executioner.”

That’s one way of putting it.

Still testing me then? Max must be on to me, why else would he still be doubting me? I frowned, crossing my arms.

“Max is a fool, he’s incapable of doing his own dirty work and when push comes to shove he would crumble without someone like me.” I finally said; fuck, what do I got to lose? If Max is already thinking I’m building an uprising he’ll take me out sooner or later anyhow. Might as well say what I gotta say.

“Instead of putting me on bullshit assignments like this making me run around like an errand boy, he should be remembering how many of our own members I’ve taken out just so this society can still work.” I said all of it very calmly, but I definitely had Hera’s attention. “I don’t like being questioned, I’ve done nothing to bring it forth.”

“You defied him,” she points out. “When your child was born.”

“It was stay or watch Dauntless collapse internally because my girlfriend was having conniptions. Camille has plenty of sway here and Max knows it.”

“So you consider yourself a power couple then?” Hera asked lightly, clasping her fingers in front of her.

“We’re  not here to discuss my relationship. We’re here to discuss a leak, which I have suspicions is Nuwellan. How about we focus on that?” I snapped, growing restless.

I was starting to feel as if I was the one trial here.

“Very well.” Hera sighed, returning to tapping her tablet. “Do you consider her and Zeeg to be in league together?”

“All that I’ve established is that they know each other. However, that could be too obvious. Wu is anti-social, and she has just as many reasons to hate this place as they do. Death of a family member is a motivating factor.”

I had to mention her, otherwise it would look as if I was ruling her out just because of my connection to her. I’m not a softy.

“Understandably. So you still consider her to be a suspect?”

“Until proven otherwise, yes.”

I had too.

~~~~~~~

I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair, standing on one of the bridges as I looked down at the Pit. Dauntless moved back and forth between the shops and other common areas, taking care of their daily business.

Fuck if this wasn’t a mess.

I watched as Zeeg moved smoothly across the bridge below me, glancing nervously over his shoulders, a bag held tightly in his hand. Could he look anymore suspicious?

The bag was small, couldn’t hold a big gun, and we typically didn’t have any smaller than the hand. He could be transporting a weapon, or ammo — hell, it could be important paperwork!

So of course I was following him.

I stayed to the bridge above him, watching the surroundings. No one was following him, it was just him in a hurry to get somewhere. I pursed my lips, curious.

Who’s he going to meet? Who’s his accomplice? Why are they willing to risk everything for this?

Dumb kids.

I seriously hoped Tori wasn’t involved.

I watched as he disappeared into one of the hallways, and I made quick work climbing down the ladder to his level. I casually started following behind him, making sure to keep the crowd between all of us. I doubted he would notice me, but I didn’t want to be sloppy.

What’s his plan here? What’s in that tiny plastic bag? What could he possibly be taking somewhere?

This is not how I wanted to spend my afternoon. I wanted to be back at the apartment, tossing my kid into the air and making my girlfriend panic. I wanted to watch him eat on one of those chew toys and even cry when I took it away from him.

Hell, I’d settle for being at the bar, drinking a few beers and talking shit with Mel like old times.

Anything would be better than this.

I wasn’t patient enough to tail people, I’d rather just shoot them.

And now where the hell is the little fuck going? I scowled, watching as he turned down a more secluded hallway, his face paling from nerves as he went. I hovered just at the corner, seeing his steps falter as he approached a place in the wall that curved.

He paused there, clutching the bag to him.

Hmm.

I waited, making sure I was carefully placed so I wouldn’t be noticed, at least by Zeeg. I lounged against the pale corner, looking down at my watch and tinkering with the buttons like it was showing me something interesting.

I glanced back, growing restless as ten minutes passed. If I wasn’t getting to shoot someone or getting an adrenaline rush, I didn’t see the point of this. I was fucking bored.

I’d rather just confront the kid and jerk the bag out of his hand than continue waiting!

Hmm?

I peered curiously around the corner as I saw someone step up to Zeeg, his face brightening as he sees the girl. I didn’t know her, but she’s blonde and slim, a little taller than him, probably his age.

Wait.

I frowned as Zeeg talked to her for a moment, than sort of shoved the bag at her. She blinked, then looked down and opened it. She sort of exclaimed something and pulled out — fuck.

Jewelry.

I’d followed this fucking kid to his girlfriend!

How disappointing.

What a fucking waste of time!

I could have been cuddling Kai or Camille this entire time.

I ground my teeth in irritation, cracking my knuckles as I leaned back against the wall.

This tailing business just wasn’t for me.

I’d have to go about this a different way… maybe I’d get to break some bones in the process.

Tags:

[spicysaihara]

Risky: evens! Really risky: odds!

2. screenshot the tabs you have open

i just woke up SO

nothing too incriminating

4. do you have a nsfw blog?

yah but it hasnt been used since like. this time last year lol

6. screenshot the first page of your search history

i have..a vibrant search history

(i was using my other account so far today and i didnt realize it, so on my other account i was searching for thrilling stuff such as “leasing agent job description” and “best fast food scrambled eggs”)

8. how often do you take showers?

tbhhhh it varies? if im in a good mental state/not lazy its every 2 days but if im lazy or depressed i can go like. a week before i feel too awful and guilt myself into it

10. if you draw or write, show some of your really old work

OH BOY LMFAO

all courtesy of my old deviantart account cuz im on a new computer and i dont have my old works saved here

from 2012:

the first complete piece of digital art ive ever done. what a masterpiece

some old pokemon ocs

throwback to when everything i did had a background. im disappointed i fell out of doing that cuz i got really good and then i just fucking..stopped

i think about this picture a lot. my first real piece of vent art

from 2013:

first pic w/ my new (now old) tablet

i still think this picture is fuckin bangin’ yo

i got into a phase of drawing human characters as cats because i couldn’t draw humans lol

case in point

1. if you had to hug anyone who would you hug

ANYONE WHO WANTS TO HUG ME!!!!!!

3. whats your favorite color?

any warm color tbh!!!!!! but my faves r dark red, peach, pineapple yellow, and bright ass orange

5. do you like a warm bed or a cold bed?

it depends!!!!!!!! if its warm out i pref a cool bed and if its cool out i pref warm beds

7. favorite song you cant stop listening to?

it varies most of the time cuz im a little fuckface and ill get hooked on one song and never stop listening to it, at the moment its this

9. do you like to use correct grammar when you type or just type all lowercase?

just all lowercase, i used to be the strictest person ever abt it but now im just???????????im just????i dont care lol

[linaispunk]

thank you for tagging me lovie! @drowsyrrog

let’s gooooo

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

what is the colour of your hairbrush? mine’s black (boring i know)

name of a food you never eat? don’t know if this counts but wasabi, tried it once w sushi and nearly puked 😳

are you typically too warm or too cold? i’m always too warm! you can catch me wearing a jacket in the heat and too many layers during winter 😗👉👈

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? out on my afternoon walk!

what’s your favourite candy bar? ok but i love love loveeeee bounty’s. love myself a bounty rn

have you ever been to a professional sports event? nope i hate sport with a passion

what is the last thing you said out loud? different brand of beans

what is your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream 😌🤝

what is the last thing you had to drink? tea :)!

do you like your wallet? it does the job

what was the last thing you ate? cereal 🙃

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no i’m a certified tight ass on money

last sporting event you watched? football or something with my dad forever ago

what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? super super super buttery popcorn don’t know if that counts as a flavour but i can’t stand salt

who was the last person you sent a message to? an ex im actually close friends with now HA

ever go camping? only for school

do you take vitamins? i take vitamin c tablets every now and then

do you go to church every sunday? every now and then with my parents

do you have a tan? yes :)!

do you prefer chinese food or pizza? chinese food all the way (i work in a pizza shop so im now totally over it)

do you drink soda with a straw? yes, always

what colour socks do you wear? i’m always wearing black socks

do you ever drive above the speed limit? how do you expect me to not when i have such banging playlists

what terrifies you? being alone :(

look to your left, what do you see? my art textbooks :)

what chore do you hate? i actually enjoy them all, especially cleaning it’s so therapeutic

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? kath and kim

what’s your favourite soda? coke 🤷🏻‍♀️

do you go into fast food places or just drive thru? drive thru (social anxiety tings)

who was the last person you talked to? little sister from another mister @drowsyrrog

favourite cut of beef? uhhhhhhhhhh

last song you listened to? velvet light - jakob ogawa 👉👈

last book you read? find me - andré aciman

favourite day of the week? saturday/sunday (my fav lazy days)

can you say the alphabet backwards? only like half way

how do you like your coffee? milk no sugar and on occasion i’ll drink straight black

favourite pair of shoes? vans old skools (the original ones without the checkered panels and all the fancy stuff)

the time you normally go to bed? 10-10:30

the time you normally get up? 7:00am

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? i have a special place in my heart for both but sunsets hit different

how many blankets are on your bed? 3! it do be cold all of a sudden 👉👈

describe your kitchen plates. bone china

do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? udl’s! dunno if they’re an australian thing or not but they’re absolutely banging

do you play cards? on occasion

what colour is your car? white

can you change a tire? i wish

your favourite province? lombardia, italy! no particular reason 😗👉👈

favourite job you’ve had? waitressing at a pizza joint!

how did you get your biggest scars? was swinging a pole around when i was 4, it hit my leg and i didn’t realise it was sharp until i saw blood running down my leg...it split my thigh open 😳

what did you do today that made someone else happy? reassured my best friend since he was scared he’d be losing his job due to covid :(

i literally talk to no one on here so to all my lovely mutuals who see this pls just feel free to do it ok bye tpwk

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

I was tagged by the amazingly awesome @beautifullydisconnected, and since I’ve got nothing to do today... 👏🏽

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Mine’s black

Name a food you never eat? Oof, probably peanut butter bc I’m allergic 😂

Are you typically too warm or too cold? I’m very warm-blooded, so def warm

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Sleeping 😂😂

What is your favourite candy bar? I LOVE Twix so much, that and Heath bars (I know, that’s so random 😂)

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Yes!!! I’ve been to a Yankees game, and it was so fun 👏🏽👏🏽

What is the last thing you said out loud? Oh I have no idea, maybe when I told my roommate “goodnight”? 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

What is your favourite ice cream? I’m a SUCKER for cookies and cream or chocolate chip cookie dough or any cheesecake ones... but if we’re talking specifics, the Talenti raspberry cheesecake 🤤🤤

What was the last thing you had to drink? Currently drinking coffee rn so 😂

Do you like your wallet? I mean, it does its job so 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

What was the last thing you ate? I had 3 fried eggs with potatoes and salsa last night 😂😂

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? No sadly, bc of this virus I was not able to... but I bought stuff this past week tho 😂😂

The last sporting event you watched? Oh man, maybe the super bowl?? 😂😬🤷🏽‍♀️

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? I like mine pretty salty and very buttery 👏🏽👏🏽

ho is the last person you sent a text message to? My best friend

Ever go camping? Yes, one of the many perks of being a former Girl Scout 😂😂

Do you take vitamins? I take supplements... does that count? 😬

Do you go to church every Sunday? I try to! I can’t now bc of the virus, so virtual service it is for me 😂

Do you have a tan? Lol yes, I’m low key always tanning 😂😂

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Asking me right now, pizza. In general? I like both 😂😂

Do you drink your soda with a straw? Fun fact - I don’t drink soda, so imma say for drinks in general... only if it’s in a restaurant

What colour socks do you usually wear? Black, always 👏🏽

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Yeah... 😅

What terrifies you? Death... 🙃

Look to your left, what do you see? A basket of blankets and a coffee table

What chore do you hate? Oof, I’ve gotten better with liking chores, but I will forever hate yard work 🙃🙃

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? 5SOS and the show “Yummy Mummies” 😂😂

What’s your favourite soda? Lmao I hate soda 😂😂

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? I’m usually team drive thru 😂😂

Who's the last person you talked to? Actually, it was @osterfield-holland-andcompany 🥺🥺

Favourite cut of beef? I have no idea?? 🤔🤔

Last song you listened to? “Jaded Rae” by All Time Low (I was feeling my old pop-punk days yesterday 😂)

Last book you read? “Cherry” (and I still have yet to finish it... oops?)

Favourite day of the week? I find Friday’s are really fun

Can you say the alphabet backwards? Nope 😂😂

How do you like you coffee? If I have creamer, I’ll just do creamer. If not, I’ll do two scoops of coconut or turbinado sugar and a splash of almond milk

Favourite pair of shoes? I’ve got these heeled boots that I’ve had for a while, and I love them to death bc I can wear them for long periods of time without dying in them 😂

The time you normally go to bed? Honestly, probs between 12-1am 🙃

The time you normally get up? Between 9-10 am usually

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? I like both, but I def see sunsets more 😂

How many blankets on your bed? Honestly just have my sheet, comforter, and a faux fur blanket so 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

Describe your kitchen plates. They’re just pure white 🤷🏽‍♀️

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? YES. I’m either a sangria girl or a Long Island iced tea girl (the latter usually when I’m out)

Do you play cards? Not a lot

What colour is your car? Its this weird grey color 😂

Can you change a tire? Yes, but if I have the equipment is the better question 😂😂

Your favourite province? Um, I have no idea how to answer this one... (is my American showing? 😬)

Favourite job you’ve ever had? Honestly? My current one is, and it’s bc I’ve met so many wonderful people, and the people I work alongside are seriously some of my best friends, and I love them dearly 🥺🥺

How did you get your biggest scar? My forearm touched the metal part of the oven whilst taking out a pizza, and it hurt like hell 🙃

What did you do today that made someone else happy? Idk, I just woke up, so we shall see 🤷🏽‍♀️

Alright, now imma tag some lovely mutuals to complete this... have fun 😏 @hypnotized-so-mesmerized @hazmyheart @drowsyrrog @deacyblues

[nyx-thewolf]

VENTING POST

I hate my mom . . .  not the typical ‘she doesn’t understand me’ ‘im a rebel’ shit, most teens go through. . .  i genuinely hate her, and she hates me.  Keep reading if you want to. . . i’ll be deleting this later. 

When i was born, i was the youngest, and the only girl. . .  i noticed right away that my mom had more pictures of my brothers up on the wall. talked to them more, and pampered them emotionally. . .  I only have 3 pictures of me up there (2 are family pictures.  . .  so yeah, i’m in them) Her ‘talking’ with me, is either orders, demanding i go with her, to go shopping (then complaining about me being there, for the entire time) or arguing about how my feelings apparently aren’t valid.

She’s only caring about my art for the stuff i get paid for. and ‘puts up with enough bullshit’ from me. and gets furious when i don’t wanna hear about her eyelashes for the 5th time that week. 

She buys me stuff, don’t get me wrong. But she emotionally ignores me. She always assumes i’m in the wrong and takes my explanations as excuses. treating me as less than human.   To her, i’m ‘always wrong, i’m lazy, fat, ugly, a slob, and stupid.’ 

not to mention i’m transgender (i haven’t told her yet but she’d probably say i’m not ACTUALLY trans, and say it’s “only because your friends are”)

She makes fun of my suicidal thoughts and actions. mocking my cuts, and scars. laughing at my stutter, and my shyness.. . .  she’s fine with her friend having DIAGNOSED social anxiety, but REFUSES to get me diagnosed for “something you only ‘think’ you have”  

Whenever i go against her rules, or try to do something on my own, she threatens me. threatening to call a manhunt on me if i’m at a friends house late. threatens to throw away all my belongings, and threatens to take away everything i use daily (laptop,drawing tablet, ipod)  

I’ve just stopped responding to her messages and emails. i blocked her on every digital media.  She knocks on my door, and when i ask who it is, she gets mad saying

 “you have no right to talk to me that way!!”

 when i simply said “what?” or “Who is it?” Or she just doesn’t say ANYTHING, until i open the door, a little distraught. and she yells at me for that. 

tries to guilt trip me into liking her, by pointing out the things she buys me, even if i FUCKING HATE THE OBJECT....

i ask ONCE for something and i’m “A greedy, begging, whiny bitch” and if i complain about something she buys me that i never wanted, she gets mad....

Yesterday, i didn’t want dinner (meatloaf made with tomatoes that were going bad) i didn’t want it, and half an hour later made an egg sandwich. . .  she asked “What’s wrong with dinner? do you HATE my cooking??” When i replied with ‘ i don’t like meatloaf. . . ‘ she started yelling at me saying “you used to!” and when i said “No, i put up with it” i could hear her say ‘well fuck you too then’ under her breath...  

She gave up on me after my two brothers, i’m the mess up. . . she even SAID my life’s messed up she said “i’m sorry, it’s my fault you’re messed up, i should have pushed you towards academic AND art” 

Telling me i’m a fuck up. . . that as the only time she blamed herself for my problems, but it made me feel horrible too . . . .

i’m everything a mother wouldn’t want. . . she wanted

skinny and tall curly hair (lets her brush it) loves being girly  Lets her make clothes for her smart She got me instead. . .  i’m. . . .  Heavy set and medium height straight flat hair (I HATE letting her brush it, she rips at my hair) hates wearing girly stuff hates the clothes she makes for me dumb and lazy as hell. . . . 

Sorry for this post. . .  i needed to vent. . . and my brother won’t be home till 5. . .

[shellymars27s-blog]

about shelleymars27s

I am working to work as a merchandiser , cashier, and clothing production. Id like to continue learning office administration because i have certificates on this lesson. I would like to have a good job and a good work ethic and skill development for my future goal. I like to be known to be me, and i am a good person . I dont want to eat a lot anymore. I want to be steady at my work too. I like to make friends. I like to go grocery shopping. I like music. I like art and i like fun activity. but most of the time i sleep when i get bored. I like to cook food if i can but i can learn too. I like to go shopping for clothes. i hope you buy me clothes too . hahahah. and  i like to save my money. i like to follow rules. and im not dumb, i work for my money so please go work too. and i got disability its depression and anxiety that means if i get too negative about things i get tired and feel lonely and miss my family. I like to make good friendly and meet good friends. I hope you can visit me sometime. I like to eat at restaurant or take out food too. I get allowance every week i get to spend 20.oo cash. anyways i like to design my photos and make good photos. i like tablets and laptop. radio and music. I like to be a genuis sometimes. i like to practice singing lesson on my own. I am who i want to be. i am a good person no one can put me down cuz ill get back up.

I want to meet some one who is willing to be my good guy friend and  a best friend. some one who is rich and get saving account at the bank and pay bills and be a good guy. i like to meet some one who take her girl out to dates like restaurants and make music and play with tablet and laptop and art work , collect movies. even a little travel around down town. I like a guy who has a good job and work ethic and willing to take good care of his lady and have good kids. i dont want a guy whose lazy i dont like to be lazy. not anymore. i like to be a good fun fanatic person and loves animeated arts movies and photos and music i hope you can help me know a person whose good looking intelligent caring and most of all never gives up on a person she cares about. i like to become a mother someday but not now. i like to be patient with a person and be caring at most times. i like to be what they call a great girl a best friend i hope i can find somebody like that. i hope a good looking handsome guy for me is out there. who knows. but i wont be a fool cuz i can dump you out too. any way just care enough to be a better person right now hoping for the best for my future.